all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
