ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Can I color on your dick again?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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