so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
