is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
