so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
