New invention idea: vibrating tampons
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
this hospital has no fireball
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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