she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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