I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize