You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
