Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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