it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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