she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
