Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Everclear isn't food dammit
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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