why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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