did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
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You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
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We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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