I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
