i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
