You're completely useless in the revolution.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
