What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
