Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
