So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
