this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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