Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
