I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
