there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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