My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
