Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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