I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
