I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
