only if we run a train.
done.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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