Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
being pregnant is like rehab
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
