saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
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The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
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I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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