He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
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well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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