Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
