Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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