I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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