I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize