did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
