they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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