Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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