I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
