I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
