in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
