yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
