last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
