My friends, they love my intelligence
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
