i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
