her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
