sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
