things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
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you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
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Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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