i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
