I faked an abortion last night.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
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