i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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