I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize