I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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