Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
