im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
