if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
