How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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