I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
