i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
