but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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