I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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