So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
