There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You were trust falling into bushes
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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