best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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