Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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