just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
