but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
