I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
