Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
