I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
