I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
