I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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