i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
