be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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