I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
