we're chasing vodka with high fives
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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