she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
