it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
