You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
